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There's a tennis court at the high school, true, but it's all full of holes and shit and little cracks with cement everywhere. Or you can go to the beach and step on the goose shit that I mentioned earlier, or even better yet, you can swim in it.

The teenagers wind up losing their minds and get stoned in their friends' basements while their parents actually go out of the town to do fun things like drink and party.

So enjoy the sweet and totally not stupid novelty while it lasts until next summer when nobody will probably give a fuck. The people in Lake Zurich can be divided into three categories: 24/7 Assholes, Plain Old Assholes, and Depressed Megalomaniacs.

Those are the only people you're bound to meet there. Average Person: I was just trying to be friendly, sir.

Maybe the geeks stay home and masturbate compulsively to pornographic bootlegs and cry about the boredom they suffer in the town.

You could always go down to Main Street and see all of the beautiful "Out of Business" and "For Lease" signs all over the windows or maybe take some art class to hide the fact that you have no life there.

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" In reality, almost everyone there but these people would kill to be in Miami. If not, they usually become either 24/7 Assholes or Plain Old Assholes.

Come to think of it, there is that new Shaved Ice place, "My Flavor It Place", where you could eat your sorrows in sugary goodness before you become ridiculously hopeless.

You could also read a book at the Library and cry some more once you realize that once you're done with the book your life will be meaningless and empty.

These people tend to be jerks no matter what you say or do. (They walk away) Another may go like this: Average Person: Hi. 24/7 Asshole: Well, you can take your "friendly" and break it off in your ass.

You could be as kind as can be to them, and they still look at you as though you are lesser than human and deserve to be butchered like a calf. (Average person walks away) These people are usually the ancient old people who never got to leave the town when they got the chance to and now they're stuck there in a loop without exits caused by a hole in the space-time continuum that originated in the town in the 1920's.

Some of the older ones in this group happen to be the fucktards who want to keep the town as the way it is, with nothing to do at all. ex- alexa rios You can't walk literally five feet in Lake Zurich without seeing at least one pack of at least five Mexicans.

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